My Kids: Let Mercy Lead

There are some artists and some songs that are timeless.  Their message is pure and it’s central to the heart of God.  One song that I was listening to last night that fits into this category is a song by Rich Mullins called Let Mercy Lead. 

As a parent we want to teach, train and equip our children for life.  We want to give them every mean necessary for success.  We want to look back and know they we gave our children our all and we didnt’ hold back.  I realized something last night, no matter how much of myself I give my children, it will never be enough.  Why?  Because I’m flawed.  I have my own issues and my own problems and if I gave them 100% I would just be passing down the good and the bad, and I don’t want this for my children.  I want to give them more than that. 

And that’s where Rich Mullin”s song comes in. 

Me and your mom
And all the love we have
We can only take you so far
As far as we can
But you’ll need something more to guide your heart
As you grow into a man

My kids need more than my love to help them grow into the adults God wants them to be.  They need Mercy.  And Jesus Christ is Mercy.  And I need to give them the one thing that can fill all their needs, give them peace that surpasses all understanding, and allow my children to use their gifts to the fullest.  That one thing is Christ!

Let mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There’ll be a drop of grace

I want Christ to be the strength in their legs, and grace to ooze out of every action, every thought, and every word.  I want to let Mercy lead in my life that it may be one thing I pass to my children.

No TV at the Hope House

Okay, maybe not exactly “No TV” but reduced television.  Alison texted me last week ago with this question, “I really wanna take the tv out of the playroom.  We can keep it but I just want to encourage them to play, read and write rather than watch tv.  I just really feel like it’s something we should try.”

At first I was  little resistant but agreed with her it was the right thing to do.  Since that initial conversation we have removed the TV from the playroom, disconnect the TV in our bedroom and canceled DISH network.  This also means that we lose our beloved high definition DVR.  On the positive side we did hook up the 6 foot antenna on our roof and still get all the local channels in crystal clear HD on the living room TV.

I’m proud of my wife for acting on her beliefs.  She has always had a passion to do what is right for our children.  Not only was this good for our children, she was willing to be an example to them by removing the TV from our bedroom and canceling our satellite service.   (On a side note canceling satellite service saves us $60 a month or $720 per year!)  The Christian faith is not merely about having beliefs but acting upon them and that’s what Alison did (James 2:14).

The question for today is this, what changes would you like to make in your house?  Do you need to evaluate your family’s TV habits?  Or is there something else you would like to eliminate to make more time for family?  How can you make those changes by leading by example?

For more information on some of the negative effects of TV on children view this article.

I Don’t Want Kids (Part 1)

All throughout high school and college, I didn’t want kids.  There were probably a couple of reasons for this, but the main one being I felt like I would be able to do more for the Kingdom of God without the burden and responsibilities of children.  Probably a good secondary reason was that I felt inadequate to be a good father.  I would read passages like 1st Corinthians 8 and think to myself I would have more flexibility for ministry without having children.  Now in terms of being married, I was all for that for various very good reasons. 

One day my worldview of personally having children and being a father changed.  While in college I met a strikingly beautiful and wonderful girl named Alison.  I was a resident assistant at Atlanta Christian College and was responsible for helping with the orientation of new students.  This consisted of introducing new students to the campus, issuing student IDs, helping find their way, and helping them build community with the other new students and those living in the dorms.  It was a fairly easy job that doesn’t require a high level of skill.  The problem is when you’re nervous because you really like one of the girls that is part of the new student orientation, you do stupid stuff. 

First off let me say, I not what you would call smooth.  I’m really a clumsy nerd when you get down to the facts.  In high school I was nicknamed A.P. which didn’t stand for Advanced Placement but rather Accident Prone.  I have a very strong clumsy streak to me.  I am usually good at hiding my awkwardness, but not around Alison.  Alison was in the January batch of new students which means we just got back from Christmas break.  As most college students, I received some new clothes for Christmas.  I decided to wear one of the new pair of jeans I received for Christmas to one of the new student orientation sessions.  Little did I know that for most of the day I had the huge sticker going down the side of my jeans that said “34X32″.  Another funny story is that while talking with Alison and some other new students I decided to lean back in the computer chair I was sitting at in the student life office.  It was a cheap office chair.  Remember my nickname?  Yup, the chair dashed out from underneath me leaving me on my back.  Why Alison ever had any interested in me is beyond me.

But there’s the grace of God.  Alison and I did start dating and we reached the point in our relationship where we met up with my youth minister and his wife from my home church.  I was very close with my youth minister and this was probably on the same level of introducing someone you’re dating to your mom or dad.  I’m sure we were both nervous driving to meet them.  On the car ride to the restaurant a conversation was started about kids.  During the conversation I said very clearly,

“I don’t want kids.” 

I didn’t think there was anything life shattering about my statement.  That’s just what I thought.  The problem is that Alison had always envisioned herself having children.  It was a huge part of who she was and where she wanted to be.  Because of that conviction in her life, to be a mom, she replied back, “I don’t think this relationship will work then.”  Huh?  This relationship is not going to work just because I don’t want kids?  I tried to explain my position, but it did no good.  For Alison the only future boyfriend, fiancé, or husband is one that wanted children.  If I wasn’t part of that, I was not the right person for her.  I remember that being a very difficult conversation between us.  That was the ONLY time I thought I might lose Alison. 

Alison and I were far enough in our relationship that I knew loosing Alison was not an option.  That night and through several other conversations I changed by future plans regarding children.  I guess that should be obvious considering we now have 3 kids of our own.    But that process of changing worldviews was not an easy one for me.  Stay tuned for the next post that will go into some detail of how my worldview, my view on ministry and my relationship with God changed through this process.

Read Part 2 of I Don’t Want Kids